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Are you afraid of being alone or being in a loving relationship?

Do you fear being alone and never finding that loving relationship you so desire? What if you don't meet that someone special? These are the common fears that single men and women usually harbour. Interestingly, the unconscious mind is always moving us from what we fear. Its job it thinks is to keep us safe and within our comfort zone. The irony, however, is that if you are alone and single you may actually not be afraid of being alone but the opposite, of being in a loving relationship.

It may sound strange but is indeed a fact, that although consciously we desire to be in a relationship, unconsciously we may fear to be in one. The unconscious mind does not direct our will based on logic but our emotions. If having a loving healthy emotion is not familiar to us, the unconscious will fear it and make sure we stay away from being in it. It will try to always keep us, in our comfort zone.

The unconscious does this in many ways. It will not show up any potential partner. It will attract long distance relationships, emotionally unavailable partners, a partner where things will eventually not work out. The result of all these situations will leave us single and alone. It is because we fit together with people like puzzle pieces.

The interesting thing is that we end up developing great chemistry with an unavailable partner because the unconscious sees it as something familiar. As if we were addicted to that person. Also an unavailable partner does not threaten our comfort zone.

We all take risks, open our heart and connect with people depending on our comfort levels. We dread being alone but underneath, there is a bigger fear - the fear of intimacy. This could arise from being in a vulnerable position in a relationship. It could be physical, emotional and financial vulnerability.

True love requires us to open our heart to being vulnerable and confront our fears. Only when we defy our fears will our existing patterns change. And only when our existing patterns change, can we create relationships differently.

‘The fear of being hurt in a relationship usually causes you to stay single’
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