For many of us love is that area of our life which has been a constant endeavour. Despite being successful, smart and intelligent, struggling to find or being in a loving relationship is exceedingly common. To realise why this happens, we need to understand the concept of Inner Adam (IA) and Inner Eve (IE). Inner Adam is a way for a woman to relate to a man and IE for a man to connect with a woman.
IA and IE are universal archetypes. It means they are powerful forces within our psyche that influence the way we approach relations. However, our personal family history, especially with our parents, impacts this archetype and the way we see our IA and IE. For a woman, her relationship in her adult life will be greatly influenced by how she perceived her relationship with her father, brother, uncle or other male members of the family. Similarly for a man, it is influenced mostly by his mother and to lesser degrees from his sister and aunts.
These early experiences imprint our minds, and particularly the prototype which is covered by this experience remains so vivid that we replay this experience over and over again.
For example, if a girl child seeks approval from her father, as she regards it important for her survival, she will replay this pattern even as an adult with her partner. She might tend to attract men, who never give her that approval fully. We are inclined to invite what we don’t want. If we constantly seek approval, we will find someone who is critical and unwilling to give that sanction. This makes us feel unworthy of love and until we integrate this aspect of our mind, it will keep repeating itself in all our intimate relationships.
When we meet someone we feel we are meeting a person but what we are seeing is a projection of our relationship with our IA & IE. However, the good part is, we can change the quality of our IA & IE. The way to first recognise it, is by observing it as a pattern of men and women we attract and notice if there are any comparable qualities. Recognising men and women in our lives, including family members and intimate relationships allow us to understand our own patterns.
When we feel any emotion with our partner e.g. love or anger we feel it's our partner who is responsible. Whereas the fact is, it’s our own mind projecting that archetype onto the partner. So our partner merely acts as a screen onto which we project our feelings.
If we are unable to feel any connection with our partner it is because we are disconnected from the archetype within us. And the way forward is to cultivate a relationship with that archetype for things to change externally.
‘The need for love, to connect to another person - the urge to merge this is coming from a universal mind to go inward to the archetype and relate to it’
- Dr. Rob