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Why do we experience loneliness even while we are in a relationship?

As social beings, we like to share our joys, sorrows and happiness with people around us. It is also common to feel lonely if we do not have anyone to share our lives with. Interestingly, it is not only singles that battle loneliness, but some couples also experience it even while being in a relationship and despite the presence of a partner in their lives.

Once in a relationship, we assume that our partner will understand us completely and at all levels. But when that does not happen, we start feeling alienated. A sense of loneliness creeps in and brings with it unhappiness. We start feeling betrayed by our partner.

Some of the common reasons for this emotion to engulf us are the lack of communication and expression between the partners, emotional unavailability, constant arguments and the feeling of being unheard.

Sometimes despite our genuine efforts to reach out and communicate with our partner, the problem persists. Consequently, the feeling of loneliness also continues. This kind of a situation could result in us wanting to end the relationship, the same relationship that seemed thoroughly promising at the beginning and the one we invested all our heart and mind into.

What we need to understand is that by making our partner a source of our happiness, we create our ‘unhappy self’. The mind tends to ‘project’ unhappy feelings especially in intimate relationships. When our partner does not respond to us in a manner we would like them to, we feel rejected. We believe that it is their responsibility to make us happy and to end our loneliness by giving us complete emotional support.

But this is humanly impossible. Even if our partner tries giving us all kinds of support and attention, we might continue to feel lonely. It is simply because ‘feelings’ reside within us and not in another person. If we don’t work internally and try to probe why we feel the way we do, the situation will not change externally.

Emotions hold the key to our feelings. Therefore, we can change how we feel by working with our emotions.

‘Never deny your feelings because the more you deny what you feel the stronger it becomes.’
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